The Separation
by PunkBettie
Summary: REPOST - "We decided to wait until after the holidays. Try to ease it in once the cheer ended so we wouldn't ruin the joy. It was more of an excuse than actual reasoning, though. Hopefully it would also lessen the embarrassment of a failed marriage if we waited. Deal with the separation before outing ourselves."
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Twilight

* * *

The car was silent.

The heavy tension weighing down on us was almost too much to bare. I snuck a looked over at my husband and almost flinched. His knuckles were bone white as he gripped the steering wheel, navigating us through the icy roads. His jaw was tight and stressed. The heaviness of our fight was still hovering over us like a dark cloud. If I didn't know him as well as I did, I'd be worried about him driving the way he was.

 _Shit_.

"Are you going to speak to me or just ignore me for an hour?" I asked.

His exhaled sharply. "I'd prefer to ignore you." He ground out.

That angered me. "You're such a child sometimes, I can't believe we can't even be civil!"

He smirked. It wasn't his normal crooked grin; it was cynical and almost mean. "Civil?" he chuckled, "Fucking spare me, you're the one who _always_ wants to fight!"

I rolled my eyes and restrained myself from telling him to fuck off. Instead I crossed my arms and looked at the phone in my lap. This hostility was still foreign to me and it hit hard whenever I'd get yelled at. My _hysterics_? Fucking ridiculous. Before I could stop myself, I started thinking about how different this time last year was.

Christmas in Forks had always been the best time of the year. My family was great and it got even greater when Edward and I got married five years ago. Every year the Cullen's would invite the Swans over to stay at their estate for a week. We had dinners and game nights by the fire, then celebrated Christmas and New Years with family. It was perfect.

This year just… wasn't. This year had started off rocky, but it got even worse when Edward and I separated four months ago. Our family gave us hell about getting married so young. Even Esme, the biggest believer of love and marriage, warned us to wait. She said that young love was dangerous, told us to take our time to grow as an individual before growing as a couple.

We didn't listen.

Now we were separated and too afraid to tell everyone. Any of them. Not even Esme or my dad. We decided to wait until after the holidays. Try to ease it in once the cheer ended so we wouldn't ruin the joy. It was more of an excuse than actual reasoning, though. Hopefully it would also lessen the embarrassment of a failed marriage if we waited. Deal with the separation before outing ourselves.

I looked out the window and saw a blur of white and grey. It's funny how we as people change so drastically in such little time, but places like Forks seem to live on the same forever. I frowned. It was all his fault. Or maybe it was mine. I honestly couldn't tell anymore. After months of fighting, crying, broken vases and picture frames, the delirium had set in. We were both out of our minds, I didn't see him as my Edward anymore. He was just the asshole who hurt me and broke my things. And I'm the bitch who drove him away and threw a glass of whisky at him.

After a while of silence he exhaled a shaky breath and spoke. "Can you put your rings on, please? We're almost there."

I complied and reached into my bag, digging around for the blue velvet box he presented me with when he proposed. It creaked opened, elegantly securing my engagement ring and wedding band. Gold, a fire opal, big and round with a matching gold band. His great, great grandmother had beautiful taste.

I quickly slipped them on, not ignorant to the feeling of joy that ran down my spine as I saw it adorned on my finger once more. After this, it would be the last time. Looking at it some more, I tried to convince myself that I just liked seeing a wedding ring on my finger, nothing more.

Edward sped expertly through the icy roads, finally reaching town limits. As he drove past our old high school and hangouts I took the opportunity to let everyone know we were arriving. Our group chat blew up with texts of excitement and joy from everyone. Charlie was the last to send a message, telling me how excited he was.

I missed him more than I could describe. To keep our secret, I had to emotionally distance myself from everyone. I was a shit liar and had no control over heavy emotions, especially with my dad. The phone calls to everyone, the texts, even the emails halted – all of it had been cut down. Their suspicion wasn't subtle. But I had to do it to keep our secret. It also added a layer of bitterness, Edward was so great at faking it, he was always talking to our family, even my dad. It made me angrier at him.

As Edward drove up the long road towards his family's plantation styled estate, I took deep breaths and let all the tension lift from my body. Edward slowly fixed his face – and attitude – as we crept up the long, winding driveway. Esme, Carlisle, Charlie, and Sue all waited near the porch, waving and trembling. As soon as we got out of our car, we were embraced by loving arms.

When Charlie hugged me tight, I caught Edward's eye. What I saw in his eyes in that moment I hadn't seen in maybe two years: genuine longing.

* * *

Hey guys, sorry it's been so long. If you've been following since the first version of this story then you know what was going on with my personal life. My brother is unfortunately still in the hospital, eight months now actually, and stuff got really heavy for a long time. If you want the full story on what happened, I've posted a donation link on my profile if you're interested in reading or sharing (which would be v touching and i'd be v grateful). Anyway, I started this story as an exercise and a distraction, and updating might be slow depending on what's happening, but I'm not interested in giving up on this one. so enjoy.

I'll also be posting a playlist every chapter, the links on my bio!


	2. Chapter 2

then

You were anxious.

I could tell by the way you gripped my hip and sipped the expensive champagne the caterers were passing around. I knew already that there would be a bruise there, and I smiled at how I know you'd kiss it and apologize for it later tonight. But right now, you couldn't notice. You were busy looking at the crowed of shrewd lawyers and wondering when the one you'd wanted to speak to will be unoccupied.

My hand slipped down lower and pinched your butt. You playfully glared and kissed my forehead.

"Let's dance, we can get closer to Aro and his wife." I whispered conspiringly.

You smirked, the smirk that told me how much you loved me and my idea, and downed your drink in two gulps. I copied you and gave our glasses to the annoyed waitress, eager to get this night moving along. Tightening your hold on my hip, you glue me to your side and confidently lead me to the dancefloor. You position me in front of you and your arms are around me. We sway and you're intoxicating. You were always a great dancer, I didn't even trip over myself anymore.

The Temptations were playing. You loved this song and I knew it. I smiled, you smiled, and I was reminded all over again how sexy you looked tonight and how I was dying for you to peal this expensive dress off me. I hated dressing up, and I made a show about how annoying it was, but I was secretly fine with it. The way you looked at me tonight made me blush and throb, how could I not be fine with it?

Yeah, this was a good dress.

You dipped me towards the end of the song, smiling like an idiot while I giggle like one alike. God, I love you so much. If I thought about it too long I'd just cry, because you were so beautiful and you loved me so much too… it was hard to catch my breath sometimes.

"You're drunk," you mused.

"Nooooooooo," I giggled.

I wasn't, I was buzzed. There's a difference. I told you so and you just laughed. You told me you love me again. I'll never tire of you saying it.

The song ended and molded into some old disco hit. You swing me to the edge of the dance floor and I graze Aro's wife's arm. I turned, apologize and then you're there, introducing me. Aro checks me out, his wife too enamored with your charm to notice her husband's wandering eye. Your grip tightens. You're so possessive sometimes and I love it.

"What a lovely wife you have, Edward, I must say I'm impressed." Aro is as sleazy as you said he was.

I smile and bat my lashes, playing the part you bribed me into playing this morning. You chuckle and I fight a snort at how fake it sounds to me, but not to Aro. He just smiles, thinking you're agreeing. Thinking it's okay to have dirty thoughts about someone else's wife. You pinch my butt and I blush more. Aro licks his lips. Time for me to swoop in, to get away from this man that you want to talk to so bad.

"Mrs. Volturi, are you wearing Givenchy?" I ask, because I know she is.

Alice schooled me right after all.

She beams, taking the bate. "What an eye! You like?"

"Oh yes, I've been eying that dress for _months_!" I gush.

I haven't, but it's gorgeous and expensive enough for me to sound believable. I wasn't the best liar, but I was buzzed and you needed me to be a good liar tonight, so I'll try hard.

Mrs. Volturi goes on for five minutes about _having_ to spend that much on a dress while you two just smile and nod. Your thumb starts rubbing small circles while your grip loosens a little. The dress is thin and its silk and I can feel your thumb all the way to my nipples. Aro keeps staring. Mrs. Volturi is oblivious.

"I was at Neiman's the other day and they had the skirt in their separates," I comment.

She nods and smiles, finally falling for my light plan we had come up with.

"Oh, come on, dear, let's talk over there and leave the boys to their business." She linked her slender arm with mine and surveyed the room.

I wink at you and you lean in and kiss right below my ear. I giggle, squeeze your hand, and leave with your boss's wife. I can feel Aro's eyes on me. I turn around and I was right. You're trying not to glare at him, but you can't help it. I turn around and send a silent prayer. You've got this though, you always do.

Mrs. Volturi tells me to call her by her first name. It starts with an S and I can't remember it after two seconds. It doesn't matter because I know just how to distract her. She's dripping in jewels, Chanel, and Givenchy, Alice spent years preparing me for a night like this.

She drones on and on and I let her, indulging her until I can see how tired she is. She's older, and the bags under her eyes are more noticeable. We've been talking for over an hour now, only seeing you around a couple times when I'd look up from our conversation. The night is getting late and I suggest we go look for our husbands. I can't wait to get into bed with mine I tell her. She giggles and tells me how lucky I am.

I already know.

I look around the thinning ballroom of this expensive hotel and you're not around. I forgot my phone, so I can't even call. I go looking, maybe you're on the other side, by the bar, in the lobby? I walk around and you're not in any of those places. When I find you, you're outside on one of the balconies, talking to a very attractive woman with strawberry blonde curls.

I call out your name and you turn, your smile fading a little.

"Shit, sorry, I got caught up…"

The woman laughs and I knew you didn't just get caught up, you forgot. You forgot about _me_.

You ass.

I smile tightly and you notice. I'm insecure now, not feeling as hot as I did before we left our new home. You walk towards me, frowning. I hate your frown, it makes me more upset.

"It's late," I say and you agree.

"I'll see you Monday!" you call out behind you, at the woman.

You usher me out and I look back. She's looking at you and then at me.

I turn avoiding her icy blue gaze.

You didn't introduce me and I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing. But I love and trust you so right now it's a good thing. I guess. You hold my hand the entire way down to the lobby. It's silent and it's okay because you're so fucking good at making me forget the bad feelings when you touch me. Even a small touch like your hand in mine. You got what you wanted and I got buzzed so the night wasn't _so_ bad.

I tell you and you laugh.

"God, I love you." You declare and my heart soars.

You hug me while we wait for the car to come around. When the couple next to us is gone, you start kissing my neck, leaving wet trails of heat all over the side. Your hands lower right above my ass and you push me on to you. My head lulls back to give you better access and you bite me. I love when you do that.

You're at my ear now, saying things like, "I can't wait to spread your legs open and –"

A throat clears behind us and I'm so mad for a second before I realize where we are. You smirk, kiss my nose, and open the door to your new car for me. It's an Aston Martin and I'm still peeved that you bought it. _We needed a car_ you said, and yeah, we did, but this car?

Whatever, maybe we'll christen it later and I won't be so peeved anymore.

You climb in and rev it up. It purrs and you smile at the wheel. I ask you if I should be jealous and you tell me yes. I gape as you smile crookedly at me. You ass.

"Does it get you as hard as I do?" I ask, lightly palm you through your dress slacks.

"Just about," you sigh as your eyes role to the back of your head.

"What do I have to do to steal my husband back?"

"Shit, don't stop,"

I take my hand away and you moan, frustrated and horny. I laugh as your purse your lips and start driving away from the hotel. Your cheeks are pink and I know your chest probably has blotches on pink too. I smile, kiss your cheek and turn on the fancy stereo. You drive with the windows down and a couple minutes into the song we're screaming the lyrics to this Chili Peppers song that we love so much.

When we get home, you attack. The dress that I was fine with is being pulled down, my breasts jiggling with the movements of your persistent hands. The zipper got stuck and you have too many clothes on so we give up. I bunch the skirt over my hips as you unzip your slacks and you fuck me right on the new foyer table we just got.

Your lips are on my neck and my hands in your hair. You feel amazing inside me, filling me up with every thrust. I can't help it when tears prickle in my eyes. You kiss them as I come and then tell me you love me when you spill into me right after.

A few minutes pass and you kiss my temple. "Sleep?"

I hum in agreement, "Carry me, you fucked the walk outta me."

You laugh, picking me up, and carry me to bed.

X

now

When I entered the warm house, I could hear Julie London wafting through each room. She was Esme's favorite and a staple in this household. When we would have our girls' nights, Esme would always drink too much wine and sing Julie's songs with vigor. I smiled at the memories and the anticipation of what was to come.

As the soft piano played and her throaty croon caressed me, my body relaxed with every note I heard. I was home, I was comfortable, and I realized that pretending to be in love again might not be so hard. Not when I was surrounded by family like I once used to be.

Not when I knew I wasn't really going to be pretending.

"Dad, can you just tell everyone I'll need a moment before getting attacked?" _stall them, please_.

Charlie frowned, an eyebrow quirking up as his lips quirked down. "You okay, kid? Usually…"

 _Usually I feed my damn self to the wolves, but I need some time_.

I smiled as reassuringly as I could and nodded, "I don't know why, but the trip here really knocked me out this time."

"Knocked you out, huh?" a smirk played on his lips.

"Yes?" I narrowed my eyes at the gleam in his, "Can you just tell them, please?"

He chuckled, "Sure, sure, I'll tell 'em. Rest up, Bella."

Without another thought, I thanked him and sprinted my way up the three flights of stairs that led to Edward's old bedroom. I took them in two, ignoring the burn in my glutes and the bruises I collected on my way up. Finally, after two near deaths and a twisted ankle, I all but crawled the last three steps to my destination. The desperation to get away from my family was palpable.

And then there it was. The dark wood door, last one to the left, on the same floor as Carlisle's study. I hooked my fingers on the belt loops of my jeans and shimmied them over my hips. I walk towards the door and knocked lightly, a habit I had adopted the last couple months. I scowled at the door in front of me. Haven't barged into a room in my own home in too damn long.

When I heard the muffled approval for entry, I entered and quickly shut the door behind me. I leaned against it, admiring the old room I was so familiar with. I took it in, the light flooding through the windows, the posters on the wall, the music softly playing, the Edward on the bed.

He was sprawled out, looking relaxed for the first time in probably a year. I understood how he felt. I was feeling the same. He turned and looked at me, expression neutral, a contrast from the combative grimace he was sporting earlier.

I smiled prudently. "We haven't listened to the Pixies in years."

He nodded. "I found your old iPod still connected. Kind of miss it."

"I think your playlist is still on there."

"Probably is, I don't think you ever took it out."

I bobbed my head, "Right."

Awkward silence. Well, at least we weren't fighting. That's a start, right?

X

Edward and I spent an hour in silence after our exchange. We decided to start putting away clothes and toiletries, resituating ourselves back home. My old playlist kept playing though, which was more than a little sentimental. Listening to my high school playlist while being in the room I spent those same years in was almost brutal. I was assaulted by memories of secret kisses and fast hands.

I sighed. _Focus._

Slipping back into our rhythm was easier than I had thought it would be. In Chicago, our energies were always so off, we lost the ability to be in the same room. We would either bump into each other, fight, or both. Now we helped each other unpack and sort through our things. Edward would store my toiletries in our bathroom, and I would hang his suits in the closet. The silence quickly turned from awkward to comfortable. Slowly, we got back in sync, like old times.

I hung the last of our holiday garments in the impressive closet and gingerly made my way to sit on the edge of the bed. I was afraid of breaking the unexpected tranquility, white flags could turn into battle cries at any moment.

"Are there any extra blankets still left?" Edward asked, walking out from the bathroom with a fresh towel in hand.

I shrugged, "Doubt it, Emmett usually hogs them and Jr. likes making forts now."

Edward rolled his eyes, "I was hoping their kid would turn out to be like Rose."

I snickered, "Too much Cullen in him."

Edward grinned, quickly hiding it with a cough. Kind of sucked that he couldn't even let himself enjoy being around me. But what did I expect? The wounds were still fresh, he was just as hurt as I was. I knew him, I should be expecting this by now. I shrugged, mostly to myself, and fiddled with the button of my knit sweater.

"I can take the couch. I'll try to steal a couple blankets from Alice."

"The couch?" _What?_

"Yeah, for tonight. You can have the bed. I'll take the couch tonight."

I scowled, "I'm not putting you out like that. Just stay on the bed, I can stay on the couch. It's too small for you anyway."

I looked at the couch in question, it was more for decoration than anything, and looked terribly uncomfortable to sleep in. It would probably only remind me of how many times he's groped me on that couch. Fucking decorative couch.

"I'm not letting you sleep on that, Bella, come on."

"It won't be that bad –"

"Stop, you're not sleeping there." He growled.

I flinched and looked at him with wide eyes. I hated when he spoke to me like that, with that _tone_. And over a fucking couch no less. I felt like a child now, stupid and properly put in her place. I was… afraid of that tone. Not at him, never at him. Just at his voice, brutal and authoritative. I've seen him talk to other people like that before. I used to think it was sexy how commanding and intimidating he could be. Now that it was directed at me, it upset me more than I could describe. I was supposed to get more respect than his employees and clients. But shit, there hasn't been respect in our marriage in months.

Whatever.

Edward frowned _that_ frown, understanding washing over him. He'd seen me flinch away from that tone before. He's heard how I felt.

"Just…" Edward looked uncomfortable as he shrugged. "Sleep in the bed. We can… share."

My eyebrows disappeared into my hair line. We haven't even slept in the same room for a while, let alone a bed.

"I mean," I shrugged, my voice small, "we can. But, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

He rolled his eyes. "We're going to finish the year kissing and touching in front of family. Sleeping in the same bed is probably the last thing making me uncomfortable."

 _Well, fuck._

"Ouch," I mumbled as I looked down at my hands.

Edward sighed heavily, "Bella –"

"No, Edward, you're absolutely right. I'll go ask Alice for some blankets."

With that, I stood and walked towards the door before the tears could fall.

* * *

 **this chapters spotify playlist is in order to some of the scenes and i probably wouldn't put it on shuffle. i'll post the link on my bio!**

 **i was gonna post this months ago, but my computer died before I could save the document and ended up starting over. i like what i have now much more.**

 **i'm a slow poster, especially now that i'm an in home caregiver for my sibling. it takes me awhile to do my stuff so be patient with me.**

 **if you see any mistakes, please point them out, i'll appreciate it a ton.**

 **till next time!**


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